Oh what a difference ten years makes...

Wow!  Look what I did to myself in ten years.  I have had a rough week full of doubting myself and falling back into all my own excuses.  I am my own worst enemy.  I have gotten my routine of exercising everyday down.  Now just to get my terrible eating habits under control.  I am a work in progress!! 
On a bright note, I have made a huge step in changing my life.  I have signed up for my very first 5k.  I have a month to get myself ready. I can't wait to cross that finish line!!

First Goal

This picture was taken at Richard and I's graduation party from the police academy.  He proposed to me that night.  One of the happiest days of my life!!  This is my first goal, to be under 200 pounds.  I want to be proud to have my husband spin me around the dance floor again. 
This week has been amazing for me.  The difference is the change in my thinking.  I have overcome obstacles that I have never been able to before.  I thru my food in the trash when I felt full.  I made it past the 2-4 pm hunger everyday that has killed me in the past.  I turned down breakfast burritos and pizza offered to me at work.  I did not eat my favorite ice cream cone while everyone else ate it in front of me.  I did not eat the chips and queso at the Mexican food restaurant.  I worked out 5 days out of the last 6.  I say all of this to say......I'm still alive.  I can do this and I feel GREAT!!!
I had an appointment with a bariatric surgeon at the end of March.  When I left there I felt so ashamed of myself.  Ashamed I let it get this far.  They told me I weighed 275 lbs.  I hadn't gotten on the scale in a long time and tears just started rolling down my face.  I would have swore to you I didn't weigh over 250.  I weighed more than I did with all three pregnancies.  At work on Wednesday night, I bit my lip and stepped on the scale.  I am super excited to say I have lost 22 pounds since March!!  I no longer qualify for bariatric surgery!!  I will keep going!!

Shaming

I have seen all these posts about dog shaming that are hilarious.  While they don't really seem to do any good because the dog doesn't care if you are shaming him, I am hoping it works differently with me.  This is a pic of my backseat.  I go to drive thrus everytime I'm in the car, especially when I'm by myself.  I go even when I'm not hungry.  Whew.....there you go, its out there.
I thought it would be really easy today to let myself off the hook about working out because it was raining.  As we where driving past the track my daughter said "Look mom that guy is working out in the rain."  So we came home and did zumba.  Which by the way kicked my butt!!  So here's to today, make it count!!

Day 1

Well I have made it thru day 1.  Which is an enormous accomplishment for me!!  This is a picture of my dinner plate AFTER I was full.  Yes, that's what I said.....full!!  I put it down when I felt this feeling I have never listened to before.  For the first time I made conscious decisions about what I put or did not put in my mouth.  This is the beginning of a beautiful thing.

Changes

So it has been a long time since I have blogged. I'm going to change things up a bit. I started this blog about my life with my dad. It's still going to be a little about that, but more like my life struggle to be not like my dad. You may say why don't you wanna be like your dad. I strive to be like both my parents, loving,kind,passionate,friendly. I could go on forever. I am talking about health wise. My dad has a metabolic disease which is hereditary. I am overweight and in just as bad of shape as he was at my age. My 5 year old daughter is overweight and I will stop this vicious cycle. I have decided that I live my unhealthy life in secret and that has gotten me to the 275 pounds that I am. I am putting it all out there from now on. I ask everyone of you to hold me accountable. It may sound crazy but I am like a drug addict. Food is my drug. I shovel food down my throat in private. I can't wait to put the kids to bed and my husband to be at work so I can sit in bed and scarf down everything that's not nailed down. I think I should have dessert after every meal. I justify snacks because I walked a mile. I know many of you are saying, well we do the same thing. I'm tired of living my life this way. I will promise to be honest about every part of me. I have watched my mother be on a diet my whole life. I don't want my kids to say the same thing. I have been a terrible mother, teaching my kids my addiction. I want my children to be proud of me. I don't want them to be where I am watching my dad at the age of 53, wasting away to nothing. I have made these commitments to myself and others before and not followed thru. I am ashamed of myself! As my mom and I stood in line 3 days ago for the biggest loser casting call, I found myself looking at everyone else saying "Wow, they are so much more unhealthy than me. They deserve it more than I do." That may have been the reason I didn't make it, but it also put a fire under my butt! Why do I feel someone's else deserves it more than I do? I deserve happiness! My children deserve a happy healthy mom! My husband deserves a wife that is comfortable in her own skin! I ask for each and everyone of you to tell me to get off my butt and move. If you see a donut in my hand, knock it out! If i start making excuses, show me a picture of my dad and my children and give me a swift kick in the butt!!