Changes

So it has been a long time since I have blogged. I'm going to change things up a bit. I started this blog about my life with my dad. It's still going to be a little about that, but more like my life struggle to be not like my dad. You may say why don't you wanna be like your dad. I strive to be like both my parents, loving,kind,passionate,friendly. I could go on forever. I am talking about health wise. My dad has a metabolic disease which is hereditary. I am overweight and in just as bad of shape as he was at my age. My 5 year old daughter is overweight and I will stop this vicious cycle. I have decided that I live my unhealthy life in secret and that has gotten me to the 275 pounds that I am. I am putting it all out there from now on. I ask everyone of you to hold me accountable. It may sound crazy but I am like a drug addict. Food is my drug. I shovel food down my throat in private. I can't wait to put the kids to bed and my husband to be at work so I can sit in bed and scarf down everything that's not nailed down. I think I should have dessert after every meal. I justify snacks because I walked a mile. I know many of you are saying, well we do the same thing. I'm tired of living my life this way. I will promise to be honest about every part of me. I have watched my mother be on a diet my whole life. I don't want my kids to say the same thing. I have been a terrible mother, teaching my kids my addiction. I want my children to be proud of me. I don't want them to be where I am watching my dad at the age of 53, wasting away to nothing. I have made these commitments to myself and others before and not followed thru. I am ashamed of myself! As my mom and I stood in line 3 days ago for the biggest loser casting call, I found myself looking at everyone else saying "Wow, they are so much more unhealthy than me. They deserve it more than I do." That may have been the reason I didn't make it, but it also put a fire under my butt! Why do I feel someone's else deserves it more than I do? I deserve happiness! My children deserve a happy healthy mom! My husband deserves a wife that is comfortable in her own skin! I ask for each and everyone of you to tell me to get off my butt and move. If you see a donut in my hand, knock it out! If i start making excuses, show me a picture of my dad and my children and give me a swift kick in the butt!!